How do you talk to yourself?
Working as a personal stylist, I come across a lot of people whose self-esteem has been scuffed and dented by life so their confidence is low. Some can barely look at themselves in the mirror when they first come to see me and I can clearly remember how that felt. They sit in the chair pointing out all the things they don’t like about the way they look. I help them find positives about the way they look and I see their confidence grow before my eyes.
Sometimes we are the ones that knock our self-esteem the most. Like my clients, we sit and look at all the negatives about ourselves and our lives. We point them out to others, we say horrible things to ourselves and we are far harder on our weaknesses than we are about others.
Have you ever found yourself muttering stupid woman (or worse) under your breath as you make a mistake? Have you ever decided to give up on something because you’re just not good enough to do it? Or you don’t deserve it?
I have, lots of times. Now, I’ve done a lot of personal development work and thought I was getting better at stopping myself doing this stuff. But, at the weekend, I realised I am still doing it. Not in the way I used to by berating myself, but by using humour as a defence mechanism. I self-deprecate all the time. Mainly about my weight.
I tend to try and deflect from the fact that I am a generous size 16/18 by drawing attention to it – I can hear myself saying “course I’ll have another one, you don’t get a body like this just having one cake!” All said in jest but it’s a joke at my expense. I wouldn’t dream of talking to my best friend like that. So why do I do it to myself??
You might be wondering why I started thinking about it this weekend. Well, a good friend of mine posted this meme on my wall. Now, I’m guessing, she posted it to get me thinking about all this stuff as she is a skilled coach. And it worked!
I realised that by speaking about myself in that way, I had made it acceptable for others to joke about my weight. And I didn’t like it.
So I’m taking back those jokes, I’m not speaking badly about myself. I am going to treat me as if I am my best friend from now on. Cos I kind of am 🙂
Every morning, I get a note from the Universe and today’s read:
You're simply the best, Jane. You blow my mind. We're all in total awe. How you hold together under pressure. How you face up to your challenges. And your rebound ability totally rocks. You're driven, persistent, and strong. Playful, silly, fun. Compassionate, sympathetic, understanding. You’re just plain unstoppable. And you always have time for others. What a package. Soooo...
How 'bout cutting yourself some slack every now and then?